What I Honestly Believe

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by Ben Huot


You are now in the 5th Generation Subsection of the Writing Section

October 11, 2022

When I read about the suffering of Christ
And I learn about the suffering of the early Church
Or that throughout much of the world today
I really don’t know what to do with that knowledge
Except just be more afraid

I know from experience how little helps words are
In times of great trial
I do believe everything the Bible says
Which scares me more because I take it very seriously

It is very true and yet comforts me little in times of trial
Furthermore Christians saying
You can lose your faith later in life
Or that you will go to Hell if you commit suicide
Are not at all helpful

I cannot speak for anyone else’s experience
And I do not fault God at all
How could anyone fault Jesus Christ and what He did?
But some parts of the Bible
Are just not very encouraging especially for Christians

I appreciate that God respects us enough
To always tell us the truth
I have heard we will suffer no more than we can bear
But people can bear much more suffering
Than they could imagine

It is in that old hymn that there is no turning back
Which makes me very afraid of the consequences
Of what I have signed up for

I have been in the military
I miraculously came out with only Schizophrenia, chronic pink eye, and a distrust of everyone save God

I did have to go through the gas chamber
Although only once
Which is not really bad
Compared to what many face in combat

But this and other experiences
Gave me a glimpse of how much pain
Others want Americans to go through

The little I know about America
From my experience in the Army
Is that the Army has a way off getting things done
That are very difficult for soldiers to do

They control information very well
Within the Army at least
Sometimes they flat out lie

The bottom line is the country
Wants certain things to happen
But in order for these things to happen
Really bad things are the only things
That will achieve the required results

We say we want a lot of things of our country
But when push comes to shove
And we enter a difficult time
We want to be safe from
What we consider to be the enemy
Which is usually later accepted as one of us

So on the one hand we don’t want to be the bad guy
But we also want someone to take care
Of our problems without us making significant changes
Otherwise known as sacrifices

We as a nation have become very selfish
So many suffer for so very few

And then one of the biggest proponents of this behavior
Are people who claim to love Christ
It seems many have trouble bearing this love

So while I understand the Church in America
And Christ are not the same thing

You might see how others could see things differently
When they are on the other side of the chair or missile

This anger
Although I contribute as little as possible towards
I am also in the same group technically

Suffering for my own failures is scary enough
But suffering for someone else’s seems more scary sometimes

As the world continues to get darker
Often at the pressure of said American Church

I want to side with the Church
But I already gave a lot for my country
Who really doesn’t care much about it

I just would be helpful if
I did not see so many connections
Between the suffering of the world
And the American Church
Which I am technically part of

I will continue onward with Christ
But I am not willingly going
To suffer any more for politics

And I am going to make it very clear
That I do not support the actions and non-actions
Of much of the American Church

Although I will still support the Church
In every other way

There are while religions devoted
To solving the problem of suffering
And it helps somewhat to try to alleviate
The suffering of others

But ultimately I wish God
Would have placed greater limits
On the amount of suffering
A person can withstand before death
Ironically Christ suffered a huge amount

You could say I am weak
And I do not deny this accusation
Such was apparent as early as Basic Training
Ironically the Army didn’t see this as a problem

On the other hand I did volunteer
And will suffer the remainder of my life for it
If you had the same experiences
Hopefully you would have a more positive outlook