Website Description: and

picture of me at christmas in red, orange, blue logo

Welcome, visting human, pet, toy, or automated software.

This is an Old School Informational website

Website Overview

I have created these websites to introduce you to my philosophy, the School of the Stuffed Toy. I am its first student, Zenjamin (or Ben Huot), the Not Guru of the Cloudy Diamonds. The ultimate goal of this school of philosophy it to achieve the same relaxation as that of the stuffed toy. My stuffed toy bear Fred says I don't have Schizophrenia, but he does.

But, on the serious side, my website is designed to stimulate free thinking as I never did nor never will want to be a leader or even opinion leader. What I want is for you to take responsibility for your own ideas and refrain from merely recycling my own.


My writing is very religious, and biblical, (much of it is poetry) but it has something extra to it. Some people call this Zen (more precisely it is Philosophical Taoism) combined with my understanding of Christian Existentialism. I also incorporate ideas from other great mystical thinkers from the ancient, premodern, and early modern historical periods that I feel don't contradict the Bible. Most of these writings can be distributed as long as you do not change anything, according to their individual creative commons licenses.


I also have created a large collection of vector graphics by myself over the last 2 decades. I allow people to use and create variations on some of these, provided they follow the corresponding creative commons licenses. I have even experimented with some simple arrangements of royalty free music I bought previously.


I have done the entire website myself and am almost entirely self taught using mostly freely available resources of the Internet. I have changed it very frequently since July 1998. I have now given away the base code I use for it, that does all the "boring stuff" behind the scene things like typography and layout. The one condition is you give me credit somewhere for it (a comment in the code is enough), according to the creative commons license referred to there.

Mental Illness

I also have Schizophrenia since I was enlisted in the regular US Army for a little over a year. I have lived with this mental illness, for almost 25 years now, mostly living on my own, but with great help from my family, continually taking my medicine and having God in my life. I have written about this as well for those encountering similar issues as well as those with loved ones with similar diagnoses. It would have really helped me if I had this information, when I was first diagnosed with Schizophrenia around the year 2000.